Until tonight, I had wondered why, with so many policemen around, our
protectors were unable to be anywhere near any serious crimes, ever. Tonight I
figured it out.
Being an economist, I had forgotten that people follow incentives. They
are rational. This goes for policemen too it seems.
I was driving home tonight (Sunday at 10pm) from a braai with friends.
It was by no means a big event. I had not had very much to drink. No more than
4 shots of gin the entire day, since 3pm, which together with all the tonic, a
full meal and other non-alcoholic drinks during the day, meant I should be well
within the legal range. However this also meant that I could not know for
certain whether I was over the limit or not.
I take a dim view on drunk driving. I do not do it. And I know my
limits. Tonight I felt completely sober when I climbed in my car to drive home.
But that’s where the fun begins. As I emerged onto the main road and
began driving, I witnessed something amazing. While i was waiting at the red
traffic light, within the space of 3 minutes, no less than 5 police cars drove
past in different directions, on “patrol”. A veritable hornets nest of
activity. They weren’t looking for real dangerous criminals. They were looking
for dangerous criminals like me.
After they pulled me over, we had an interesting conversation:
“Hello Officer”
“Are you fine?”
“100% officer. how are you?”
“You don’t look 100%. You look like you’re a trouble maker”
“No sir. Just driving home after seeing some friends”
“You were drinking? You swerved all over the road” (this was a lie)
“I had a few drinks earlier this afternoon. I’m sober as a judge.”
“Come with me to the police station. I’m going to take your blood. If you’re even one bit over the limit, I’m going to ruin your life. I will throw you in jail. You will be bailed out tomorrow for R5000. You will get a criminal record. And you will never get a job here again or go overseas. I will laugh at you in our cell” (he seriously said this to me)
“Officer, I think we got off on the wrong foot.”
“Don’t interrupt me, don’t give me attitude. ”
“I wouldn’t do that Officer. I respect you.”
“Can I test you now?”
“Sure thing. But you’re wasting your time”
“I promise you, you don’t want me to take you to the station. We will ruin your life”
“Obviously I don’t want that. Can’t you just assess me here and let me go?”
“Your bail will be R5000. But you can pay an admission of guilt fine now of R3000.”
“Do you offer student rates? I’ve taken a loan. I can’t afford R3000″
“R500 will be fine”
“Do I pay at the station? Will you give me a receipt?”
“Don’t be bladdy stupid. Cash fine. You give it to me”
And so it went on…
“Hello Officer”
“Are you fine?”
“100% officer. how are you?”
“You don’t look 100%. You look like you’re a trouble maker”
“No sir. Just driving home after seeing some friends”
“You were drinking? You swerved all over the road” (this was a lie)
“I had a few drinks earlier this afternoon. I’m sober as a judge.”
“Come with me to the police station. I’m going to take your blood. If you’re even one bit over the limit, I’m going to ruin your life. I will throw you in jail. You will be bailed out tomorrow for R5000. You will get a criminal record. And you will never get a job here again or go overseas. I will laugh at you in our cell” (he seriously said this to me)
“Officer, I think we got off on the wrong foot.”
“Don’t interrupt me, don’t give me attitude. ”
“I wouldn’t do that Officer. I respect you.”
“Can I test you now?”
“Sure thing. But you’re wasting your time”
“I promise you, you don’t want me to take you to the station. We will ruin your life”
“Obviously I don’t want that. Can’t you just assess me here and let me go?”
“Your bail will be R5000. But you can pay an admission of guilt fine now of R3000.”
“Do you offer student rates? I’ve taken a loan. I can’t afford R3000″
“R500 will be fine”
“Do I pay at the station? Will you give me a receipt?”
“Don’t be bladdy stupid. Cash fine. You give it to me”
And so it went on…
They happened to have pulled me over next to a service station with an
ATM. This is where the really amazing part began.
Over the road, a white 25 year old in a white Honda pulled off a little
rapidly. He was immediately followed by a police car from down the road and
stopped a little way up the road, within my view. While my ordeal was going on,
after talking to the policeman outside, I observed the driver climb back into
the Honda with the policeman and drive to my service station to park near the
ATM. He went and drew money, and climbed back into this car to the waiting
policeman. The car pulled off, drove around the corner, deposited the policeman
on the side of the road near his waiting partner, and left.
At the same time, 3 other police cars drove past, in both directions.
Searching for … something… It’s not the first time this has happened either.
Last year I was pulled over twice, having not had a drop to drink, and was
bullied by police officers for over 45 minutes, with my car searched from end
to end, hoping I would relent. In both cases, I was able to convince them to
leave me alone only by offering them a 2 litre coke each and a packet of chips…
And then it hit me. The reason nobody was there to protect me when I was
hijacked and tied up with a gun in my mouth. Or why no policemen are around in
dark streets, or on beaches, or on boardwalks. Or near traffic lights known to
be hijacking hotspots. They’re driving around in their police cars on well lit
busy roads, hoping to bump into someone they might be able to scare into paying
them an “admission of guilt” fee.
I convinced them to leave me alone, after another 45 minutes. But the
man in the Honda, and no doubt countless others that night, were clearly less
fortunate. In fact, my policeman mentioned during our discussion that just that
evening, 8 people had already been arrested, and that 6 had paid admission of
guilt fines…
And so we come back to incentives:
Fixing real crime doesn’t pay for a policeman – they put their lives in
danger, they receive no bonus or reward for a successful job.
By contrast, “rich yuppies” pose no risk to them, have a huge vested
interest in their own lives, have access to instant cash, and are willing to
hand it over to ensure they go home safely and criminal record free.
With this in mind, it makes a lot more sense why so many valuable police
resources are put to work constructing elaborate road blocks around the
country, rather than finding and dealing with serious criminals. The kind that
rape, and torture and kill. And that hurt my family.
And so we come to a systemic truth: Our policemen don’t give a shit
about any of us. They are stationary bandits (to use Mancur Olson’s phrase).
They are every bit as malicious as the criminals on the other side. The only
difference is they have figured out a sneakier way of benefitting from our
social chaos. If I was in their shoes, I can’t say I would behave any
differently. I’m rational too.
But we shouldn’t kid ourselves into thinking our policemen are trying to
help us.
